I went to Church for the first time in a long time the other day. Don't really know why. I'd say it was because my mom was the cantor but she does that all the time. I'd like to say that I was feeling pious and wanted to go to church more often because it helps cope with the irrepressibles in my life...which may be true. It could have been because I feel it's good for my kids to have that structure and foundation, I don't know. It was probably a combination of all of those things.
Holy Cross Catholic Church rests on a bluff above the San Lorenzo River. It was built on the site of the Santa Cruz mission and rises above the city of Santa Cruz - acting as a beacon of hope or looming as a burden depending on your own mindset. It's definitely the first thing you notice when you come around the penultimate bend heading South on highway 17. The interior is striking. All the windows are decorated in elaborate stained glass designs, and the ceiling contains full, 10 foot paintings of the saints and the holy family. Sam was baptized there, along with my brother and I. My mother took me there every Sunday for most of my childhood, and while there are some fond memories of her singing in the choir, it was mostly a nuisance in the 2nd half of my weekends. I've never liked church, and am not the biggest fan of Catholocism and Christianity. In fact, I am against any fundamentalist views in any religion. I feel fundamentalism is a bane of progression. Catholics are fairly light in that regard.
The reason I'm mapping this out is to specifically point out that I wasn't looking for anything but a mundane experience on this particular visit. Take the kids, make sure they don't hurt themselves, and show support for me mum. Church went by, the priest said some nice things, Jer (my mom) rocked the cantor, and we watched the choir. When the mass ended, we walked to the front of the church towards the altar, and waited for Jer to change out of her robes. By then, the place was nearly empty. The procession had moved outside in front of the entranceway. As I held Sam and watched Haley run around I noticed a few people still sitting in the pews. Again, I didn't think much of it and was more concerned about Haley climbing onto the altar than what a random few souls were still doing at mass.
I noticed an old man, maybe in his early 80's, sitting with a faint smile mouthing random words, as it appeared. At first I thought he was losing it, or had already lost it and was just happy to be anywhere. But then I noticed he had a nice wedding ring, an elegant watch and was dressed in reasonably unaffordable clothes. When at first he appeared to be mumbling, I realized he was having a quiet chat and at the end he said, "I love and miss you so much." I instantly felt a wave of emotion. He was talking to his late wife. I was so deeply moved that I made sure I would never forget that man, or the way I felt. I could all to easily put myself in his shoes. The great thing was that he was not sad in the least, but very delighted to be able to have a chat with his wife who had moved onto the next life.
I turned and saw another woman whom I hadn't noticed before. Her face was in her hands as she bent over in towards the ground. Her body was murmuring. She was in a full sob. Completely lost in unequivocal sadness. I only guessed she had a loved one who was dying, or had recently passed away. Again, I felt so sad for this woman. But this was a place where she could meditate and bring some form of hope to her life.
I had a small epiphany there. To most people, church is a place where they have to go, and they have to take communion, and they have to drone through prayers. But to some, its a place they can meditate on loved ones, sick, healthy, or passed. It's a place one has every right to sob, or to hope when there is no reason to ever even think of hope. It is a sanctuary for souls - if you believe in that sort of thing. Religion is different to everyone, but in every religion, there is a common thread of connection. In the young American generation today it is easy to be overly cynical, overly critical, or skeptical, especially of any organized religion. But when it comes down to it, it's more important than ever to have a foundation in our lives. I think this is common knowledge, but it's something that isn't bad to hear consistently. Too often I go through my life just doing what's in front of me and trying to get through the day. Too often weeks go by so quickly without any reflection. Too often I take health for granted or being able to have a funny conversation with someone special. I know so many others who do the same thing, and feel the same way.
This week we had a terrible scare as a family and I thought of the woman sobbing in church. I wondered if she was thinking that she'd never expect, or ever dare to think she'd be that woman in church...and how quickly our lives can change. One day your 1 yr old is happy and laughing, and the next day he's in an ambulance on his way to Stanford Hospital you're feeling nothing but absolute helplessness. Only to find out 12 hours later that everything is fine, for the most part. It really puts things in perspective.
To the cynics, the skeptics, the naysayers, religion is dangerous evil. It stifles progression, and inhibits the mind. BUT, it also provides meaning and hope on an array of heights. It's a sanctuary for meditation and reflection, which I feel are the two most important components of spirituality. If one isn't religious, reflection and meditation are still fantastic tools for mental health and stability. I realized I could use more in my life.
